So I had a bit of automotive trouble over the holidays…
The first issue was vandalism. Why must people frell with your stuff? I was keyed earlier this year, and just before Christmas someone steals my front emblem. What’s the plan, mack? To stick a BMW logo on the front of your ricer? I just don’t see the point. And to make matters worse, they tried and failed to steal the rear emblem. They just left me a ring full of paint gouges. Lovely.
But that wasn’t the end of the car problems. As I was driving back, I got a flat tire in Shreveport, LA. At 3:30pm on a Friday. My car doesn’t come with a spare…just run-flats, but that won’t take me the extra 200 miles I need to get home. Does the Shreveport dealership have a replacement? Nope. Why would they stock such a thing? But they can get me one Monday. (thanks…really)
Long story short, no one in Shreveport stocks tires for the Z4, but they can all promise Monday. (do they all use the same warehouse?) But I have a meeting with my advisor Saturday, not to mention needing to start school Monday and not needing to spend money on three nights in a hotel. So what’s a guy to do? Let’s see how far these run-flats will run flat – maybe I can get most of the way there at least. (nope… ~5 miles out of the promised 50)
Thankfully, as I found out and for anyone who doesn’t know, BMW roadside assistance is really cool. (and free for as long as your warranty) They towed me, will store it over the weekend, pop it by the Shreveport dealership come Monday, and deliver it to me here in Plano as soon as it’s ready. How awesome is that?
The only downside was how to get home from Shreveport on a Friday night. Fortunately I have some good friends who were willing to come pick me up. (really good friends) The tow-truck guy dropped me off at Walmart, as it was open, easily identifiable and right near the interstate. I just had to wait in the parking lot for two hours, with my suitcase, a pair of boots, my laptop and a tire pump. (why a tire pump? for my 919 – motorcycles don’t hold air well when sitting for a month or two and I would like to be able to drive something…) Anyway, I put it all in a buggy and started walking. I’m sure I looked very homeless. The security car kept circling me.
So as long as I’m the weird homeless dude in the Walmart parking lot (and this wasn’t one of their nicer stores, let me tell you) with two hours to kill, I figured I might as well cap it off as the drunk weird homeless dude in the Walmart parking lot. So into Walmart I go, complete with an already full buggy. The beer selection sucks, so I pick out a wine, and then grab some cheese. And then I think…”corkscrew”.
Apparently, no Walmart employee has ever asked “hey, do you think we should sell the opener to the thing we’re selling over here?” Was it in the wine section? No. Kitchen wares? There are wine glasses…wine stoppers…a 15 piece bar tending kit that includes a corkscrew…but no corkscrew by itself. Nothing in the front isles by the registers. And asking multiple employees only proves that they are as useful as they are attractive. God hates me, I do believe. So back goes the semi-decent bottle of wine, and I find one with a screw on cap. Beautiful.
Returning to the parking lot…the security guy is still following me around, but seemingly too chicken to stop me. I drink the little bit of the it-should-not-legally-be-allowed-to-be-called-a-beverage wine I could choke down. I laugh at myself, and wait for my friends to show.
T’was an interesting trip, let me tell you.
